Thought, I expect my marriage will be more of a political affair and less of a surprise. [he'll be the one negotiating it so it's less a matter of expectation and more of knowing.]
I am sorry if it has caused stressed between the two of you.
the silence adds more worry, but xichen can take what thread of conversation is offered.] Yes. I am the leader of a cultivation sect and I have no direct heir at this time. Marriage and children are expected, so is forging a strong future for the Gusu Lan Sect.
[and love? finding a chosen one?
that is for wangji, the happy ending his brother deserves. xichen has failed in most other duty, in living up to what his sect deserved, but he can manage that.]
That sounds familiar. [ That's all he offers back to that explanation about heirs, marriage and children. Short. Not unwilling to talk more about it, but it's simply a subject he was Not Dealing Well With even before coming to the Ximilia. ]
[that's something he'll note for later. not now, no, but for another time.
sometimes, xichen does have tact!]
There are. There are three gentry sects and then many others. [which is a good thing. he really has no options amongst the gentry sects due to... well, previous marriages.]
I am luckily familiar with them all. [a gentle laugh that cannot be heard.] While I am not the chief cultivator, I am considered the most senior of the gentry sect leaders and as a result... many others.
[ This is not only a subject Yzak didn't expect to come up like this, but it's one that, he realizes upon its mention, he still doesn't know how to address. Much less when it comes to someone else, because it's still something he's tackling on his own - better than he was, but it's not something yet conquered. Still a shadow that creeps up into the back of his mind at the most inconvenient of times, reminding him that it's still there.
So how could he, still on such unsteady ground about it, think to give any kind of opinion on it to someone else? When he's still walking this tightrope between what was and still is expected of him as a duty and what his heart feels, both completely misaligned.
So what does he do when he doesn't want to give advice because it'd be hypocritical, doesn't want to bring light to the fact that this hits way too close to home, but wonders a great deal if it'd be a good thing to have this in common with someone else?
Xichen might get the impression that he's been left on read, it takes that long for Yzak to get back to him. And when he finally does: ]
Because that's a thought that's crossed his mind, too, in the midst of actually sitting and thinking about that in the past, the recent past - short as those moments lasted - before he shut them down and simply kept his focus on any and everything else (and self sabotaging at every opportunity he didn't). And reading that statement over now ... reminds him of how far he's walked away from it, but also how close it all still feels.
Eventually, a careful reply comes. ]
I guess not.
As much of a gamble as that is.
But it works out for plenty of my people on PLANT.
If you end up going that route, I hope it likewise works out in that way.
[ He hates sending that back, because the well wish seems so empty. It's not, though, because Yzak is speaking from what he's seen around him in life. Plenty of things like that do work out. And PLANT has their regulations about it in either case. It's ... a norm there, for those who want specific things. Or those expected of specific things, like him. ]
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he should be ashamed, really. but is he? no.] Only not all of the sudden? [well, well, well.]
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Thought, I expect my marriage will be more of a political affair and less of a surprise. [he'll be the one negotiating it so it's less a matter of expectation and more of knowing.]
I am sorry if it has caused stressed between the two of you.
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It's fine!
[ You know it just caused the usual lamenting on the whole 'death do you part' aspect of it which is fun when one of you is literally dying.
There's a short stretch of time before Yzak replies again. ]
You said a political affair?
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the silence adds more worry, but xichen can take what thread of conversation is offered.] Yes. I am the leader of a cultivation sect and I have no direct heir at this time. Marriage and children are expected, so is forging a strong future for the Gusu Lan Sect.
[and love? finding a chosen one?
that is for wangji, the happy ending his brother deserves. xichen has failed in most other duty, in living up to what his sect deserved, but he can manage that.]
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[ There's another pause after that. ]
That sounds familiar. [ That's all he offers back to that explanation about heirs, marriage and children. Short. Not unwilling to talk more about it, but it's simply a subject he was Not Dealing Well With even before coming to the Ximilia. ]
Are there many other sects out there?
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sometimes, xichen does have tact!]
There are. There are three gentry sects and then many others. [which is a good thing. he really has no options amongst the gentry sects due to... well, previous marriages.]
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good, then.
Assuming you're actually interested in making that choice when the time comes.
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It is my duty.
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[ This is not only a subject Yzak didn't expect to come up like this, but it's one that, he realizes upon its mention, he still doesn't know how to address. Much less when it comes to someone else, because it's still something he's tackling on his own - better than he was, but it's not something yet conquered. Still a shadow that creeps up into the back of his mind at the most inconvenient of times, reminding him that it's still there.
So how could he, still on such unsteady ground about it, think to give any kind of opinion on it to someone else? When he's still walking this tightrope between what was and still is expected of him as a duty and what his heart feels, both completely misaligned.
So what does he do when he doesn't want to give advice because it'd be hypocritical, doesn't want to bring light to the fact that this hits way too close to home, but wonders a great deal if it'd be a good thing to have this in common with someone else?
Xichen might get the impression that he's been left on read, it takes that long for Yzak to get back to him. And when he finally does: ]
I see.
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long
pause
before a reply.
Because that's a thought that's crossed his mind, too, in the midst of actually sitting and thinking about that in the past, the recent past - short as those moments lasted - before he shut them down and simply kept his focus on any and everything else (and self sabotaging at every opportunity he didn't). And reading that statement over now ... reminds him of how far he's walked away from it, but also how close it all still feels.
Eventually, a careful reply comes. ]
I guess not.
As much of a gamble as that is.
But it works out for plenty of my people on PLANT.
If you end up going that route, I hope it likewise works out in that way.
[ He hates sending that back, because the well wish seems so empty. It's not, though, because Yzak is speaking from what he's seen around him in life. Plenty of things like that do work out. And PLANT has their regulations about it in either case. It's ... a norm there, for those who want specific things. Or those expected of specific things, like him. ]
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