[ This is not only a subject Yzak didn't expect to come up like this, but it's one that, he realizes upon its mention, he still doesn't know how to address. Much less when it comes to someone else, because it's still something he's tackling on his own - better than he was, but it's not something yet conquered. Still a shadow that creeps up into the back of his mind at the most inconvenient of times, reminding him that it's still there.
So how could he, still on such unsteady ground about it, think to give any kind of opinion on it to someone else? When he's still walking this tightrope between what was and still is expected of him as a duty and what his heart feels, both completely misaligned.
So what does he do when he doesn't want to give advice because it'd be hypocritical, doesn't want to bring light to the fact that this hits way too close to home, but wonders a great deal if it'd be a good thing to have this in common with someone else?
Xichen might get the impression that he's been left on read, it takes that long for Yzak to get back to him. And when he finally does: ]
Because that's a thought that's crossed his mind, too, in the midst of actually sitting and thinking about that in the past, the recent past - short as those moments lasted - before he shut them down and simply kept his focus on any and everything else (and self sabotaging at every opportunity he didn't). And reading that statement over now ... reminds him of how far he's walked away from it, but also how close it all still feels.
Eventually, a careful reply comes. ]
I guess not.
As much of a gamble as that is.
But it works out for plenty of my people on PLANT.
If you end up going that route, I hope it likewise works out in that way.
[ He hates sending that back, because the well wish seems so empty. It's not, though, because Yzak is speaking from what he's seen around him in life. Plenty of things like that do work out. And PLANT has their regulations about it in either case. It's ... a norm there, for those who want specific things. Or those expected of specific things, like him. ]
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no subject
It is my duty.
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[ This is not only a subject Yzak didn't expect to come up like this, but it's one that, he realizes upon its mention, he still doesn't know how to address. Much less when it comes to someone else, because it's still something he's tackling on his own - better than he was, but it's not something yet conquered. Still a shadow that creeps up into the back of his mind at the most inconvenient of times, reminding him that it's still there.
So how could he, still on such unsteady ground about it, think to give any kind of opinion on it to someone else? When he's still walking this tightrope between what was and still is expected of him as a duty and what his heart feels, both completely misaligned.
So what does he do when he doesn't want to give advice because it'd be hypocritical, doesn't want to bring light to the fact that this hits way too close to home, but wonders a great deal if it'd be a good thing to have this in common with someone else?
Xichen might get the impression that he's been left on read, it takes that long for Yzak to get back to him. And when he finally does: ]
I see.
no subject
no subject
long
pause
before a reply.
Because that's a thought that's crossed his mind, too, in the midst of actually sitting and thinking about that in the past, the recent past - short as those moments lasted - before he shut them down and simply kept his focus on any and everything else (and self sabotaging at every opportunity he didn't). And reading that statement over now ... reminds him of how far he's walked away from it, but also how close it all still feels.
Eventually, a careful reply comes. ]
I guess not.
As much of a gamble as that is.
But it works out for plenty of my people on PLANT.
If you end up going that route, I hope it likewise works out in that way.
[ He hates sending that back, because the well wish seems so empty. It's not, though, because Yzak is speaking from what he's seen around him in life. Plenty of things like that do work out. And PLANT has their regulations about it in either case. It's ... a norm there, for those who want specific things. Or those expected of specific things, like him. ]
no subject