( the name of iris gives her someone else to thank, and she'll try. these earpieces make it easier, sort of. she'll figure it out.
but she reads the rest of the words. her stomach sinks, because it's what she expected. they made a difference. she holds onto that even if she's frustrated there wasn't any way they could have done more, how if they'd never been there, nothing would have survived. how it's unfair in the casual cruelty of it all. it wasn't their fault.
but they did help. it did help. she did help, not just harm this time, with the strength of what she is. )
It was a disaster no one was prepared for. We helped some survive. And even though they're refugees now, those people have each other. They'll live and rebuild.
All that matters, right? What we did mattered. Even when people were still going to die horribly for something none of us caused.
( that's what she wants someone else to say. that they had a choice. that having a choice mattered. she sighs, rolling over and rubbing at her eyes, like that'll change the words she sees there. )
Tired. Very, very tired. Not injured. Bled a little, I think, but it stopped hours ago.
( ... not what she intended to think, but it's fine, she said it stopped. she's tired enough she's not keeping a good lock on what she sends through, so she concentrates further. )
So I'm okay. And you?
( did she already ask? her brain feels fried enough she's simply not sure. )
( less a filter and more the immediate response she has, turned to words as she reads what he'd said in turn. )
The bed is very comfortable and moving is a lot of effort. But I'll come out later? For bread and water and soup or something. If there's anyone making soup. I'm not good at it. Guess I could try.
( she is, sadly, starting to mentally ramble, and catches herself at it. )
( when she hears that knock, she's very, very tempted to respond over the earpiece. very tempted. she still pushes herself up off the bed to head to the door and open it herself, her hair sticking up cowlicked from having just had another crashnap she'd woken up out of in the usual unpleasant manner. there's some dark circles under her eyes, but more the lacking sleep kind than the terminally never sleeps sort. youth will fix that soon enough. )
Yzak?
( she blinks at him, then shifts out of the way. she's not actively avoiding people, she's just not actively trying to be around anyone when she feels... tired. and tired means nightmares, and nightmares mean no sleeping, so it gets back to tired again. and she really, really needs the rest. she knows. won't people just unhelpfully remind her of that? )
[ When she sidesteps, he takes a couple of steps into her room - nothing more than that, still lingering near the doorway in case she tells him to get out. He is a gentleman after all!!! (?)
On his arm is a small bag; he lowers his forearm to slide it down and catch it in his hand, and then holds it out to her. ]
I needed to make something for myself anyway.
[ In said bag is a sealed bowl of soup (something soothing, like chicken and rice with basil), a bottle of water, and a couple of random pieces of fruit. ]
( she's still processing a touch slower than she would normally, from overexertion and the tiredness that lingers like fatigue after, so when she sturs herself to take hold of what he's offering, she's also blinking somewhat owl like. )
So you're eating here too?
( is what she blurts out, and it doesn't sound like how dare you and more like i know what you're doing but are you offering company, because not so deep in her soul she's a desperately lonely teenager with no skills for navigating that when it's been a chancy, deadly sort of silence game the last two years of her life.
a very put together teenager holding the kindness of what he's dished out, looking a little bit at a loss. belatedly, she adds: )
[ The question spills out of his mouth before he can do anything about it, taken somewhat off guard.
A beat. And after a moment of consideration, he thinks of the others. Jake on the network asking for company. Iris's voice sounding so sad and lonely. The team seems pretty wiped after that mission - more emotionally than anything, but there's plenty of physical exhaustion reflected in everyone, too. So Yzak can read between those lines - and truth be told, he was planning to just head out to the sim room or to find a book to read in the common room, because though his has been for other reasons, he knows too well that feeling of the silence and loneliness in his own room. (which is why he only ever goes there to sleep nowadays)
And, despite the absurdity of the event, Ciri did recently help him out herself during the mission.
Good thing he brought along some extra fruit, in that case. ]
I guess I can always go for a little more potassium since I'll be in the training room later anyway.
( She's of two minds, but that's been since before the mission ended, and her shoulders relax a touch when he goes from sounding questioning to sounding sure enough. The room's not really built for many (... it's either a single or double, let the universe decide) but it has a table, and that's where she moves to set down the bag and start unpacking what was inside. The fruit's laid in a neat group in the centre, and she glances around before returning to the reality of being unprepared for company, but glad she'd just been lying on top of her bed, not under its blankets.
It looks messy, but it could have looked worse. She doubts it matters, but it makes her feel a little more together than she actually is as she sits down, gesturing for him to take the other seat and belatedly asking: )
Potassium? How's that related to you training later?
Lack of it can impact your muscle strength. And I intend to always be in top shape during my time here.
[ Yzak doesn't sit right away - his movement is actually the smallest bit stiff because he's a little awkward! Being in a woman's room! And someone he doesn't know that well. Is it actually any deal at all? Absolutely fucking not, but Yzak is just stupid like that.
Still, despite all of that, Yzak is stubborn and determined! So after a moment, he does actually take a seat as offered, grabbing for a banana at the center of the table. ]
( Ciri, with exactly one nutritional concern introduced to her beyond "stop feeding her magic mushrooms, Witchers, you're probably going to end up permanently stopping her courses like this." Given the lack of those mushrooms here, that's not even a worry.
She takes the cover off the soup, looking down at it, then searching for anything spoon like. She's not shy about lifting it right to her mouth and drinking like that, but for the moment, she can remember enough table manners to be properly civilized. For now. )
Has anyone fallen out of shape here? It doesn't seem like it'd be possible, unless you were so injured you had to rebuild your strength.
( Noting that to her, the presence or lack of all limbs is not... injured enough when it can be otherwise compensated for, hence she doesn't even glance to what condition Yzak seems to share with a handful of others on station. She already knows it didn't make him any less valuable, important, last mission. Or however many came before, presumably. )
But once I became a commander in charge of the lives and well being of my entire team, I realized how dangerous that sort of behavior can be! For the whole team!
( she's still sipping soup, evaluating what he's saying. he's not... wrong, per say. denying a truth is damaging. but there's also things she's been taught by her grandmother that says fronting can be as important for morale. how to balance the both? is it being in a group small enough you all live in each other's pockets, so you can tell that a breakdown is coming, there's no buffering zone, such as she can conceive of it? )
A bit disappointed, obviously. [ He rests his hand on the table, finger gently tapping at its surface. ] I'd much rather have completed what we set out to do - especially considering we made them aware of what was coming. That part, being unable to lend the aid to those who wished to leave, feels like a failure.
But had we said nothing at all, they all would have died, and known none the better. I know if it were me, I'd want to know something like that regardless. And if someone kept something like that from me and I died, if there was some sort of afterlife after leaving this world, I would have haunted their asses forever and made them regret it! [ His face pinches into a little sour frown at the mere thought of that, but it's brief. ]
But ... we saved a lot of them who wished to take their leave. So the "new season" they're meeting is able to exist at all. And the ones who we didn't get to in time, at least the "new season" they're greeting is alongside those who actually wanted to stay on the planet and see it. So they weren't alone to face it.
( she lets herself relax, her focus turning to his words and the warmth of soup in her hands, and the small sips she continues taking. or larger ones, depending, but it's less about either eating or hearing, and attempting to align her understanding with what yzak's is. in a way, she feels she owes it to him. in a way, she's glad to, when he's... volunteered to keep her company (through her misunderstanding or otherwise), and he's talking to her without doing that thing where she can tell an older individual is holding her as Definitely Too Young To Speak With Seriously.
which is weird in context, for someone who still struggles to understand or accept her own childhood's ignorance as maintained by her grandmother. or the hatreds that had been part of that. all for the sake, she assumes now, for protecting her from something she couldn't be protected from.
like reality. like the world. like what was happening to the people in cirawei, only in a far vaster, more immediate manner. )
Mm. Me too. About wanting to know. ( even without knowing what to do about it. ) And that it's easier when you're not alone. For facing the way things are now, compared to how they used to be.
( she glances down into the soup, not seeing it so much as letting her thoughts wander. until she asks: )
Do you think they'll be okay, as refugees in that new place?
( even knowing full well there's no way for them to know, short of doing what (in a few days) she'll know might be possible, and asking viveca or degar to contact one of the leaders who'd lived and gone through their portals to the world that wasn't about to be destroyed by a rock falling through the universe. )
[ Look Coordinators are considered adults at 13 and can join the military - and Yzak's met so many other sorts of people here that he doesn't assume since others have before about him and it was laughable. They're all here and they all seem to have experiences harrowing enough that there's no need to sugarcoat much when it comes to these sorts of discussions. ]
They had the determination to prepare as quickly as they did and move in the face of both what was happening, as well as with the knowledge that many of their kin chose to remain on the planet.
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post mushboom mission
Thank you.
no subject
It worked out, because with less needed for space travel we could focus on making more room for shorter trips.
[ A small pause between what he adds next. ]
Not every native there who planned to leave were able to do so in time. But an admirable number made it, considering the timeframe we were given.
We did well.
no subject
but she reads the rest of the words. her stomach sinks, because it's what she expected. they made a difference. she holds onto that even if she's frustrated there wasn't any way they could have done more, how if they'd never been there, nothing would have survived. how it's unfair in the casual cruelty of it all. it wasn't their fault.
but they did help. it did help. she did help, not just harm this time, with the strength of what she is. )
It was a disaster no one was prepared for. We helped some survive. And even though they're refugees now, those people have each other. They'll live and rebuild.
All that matters, right? What we did mattered. Even when people were still going to die horribly for something none of us caused.
no subject
So the fact that many of them made that choice when they otherwise would have been none the wiser about what was coming, it mattered.
How are you doing?
no subject
Tired. Very, very tired. Not injured. Bled a little, I think, but it stopped hours ago.
( ... not what she intended to think, but it's fine, she said it stopped. she's tired enough she's not keeping a good lock on what she sends through, so she concentrates further. )
So I'm okay. And you?
( did she already ask? her brain feels fried enough she's simply not sure. )
no subject
But, I'm fine.
[ Not injured but bled a little? And so tired that she's repeating herself. ]
Do you need anything? Something to eat, or drink? I can bring something to your room.
Assuming you're there.
no subject
( less a filter and more the immediate response she has, turned to words as she reads what he'd said in turn. )
The bed is very comfortable and moving is a lot of effort. But I'll come out later? For bread and water and soup or something. If there's anyone making soup. I'm not good at it. Guess I could try.
( she is, sadly, starting to mentally ramble, and catches herself at it. )
Thank you for asking.
no subject
no subject
One with fewer burnt bits?
no subject
[ Sarcasm is hard over text.
But he leaves his message at that and doesn't reply anymore. Instead, a short time later, Ciri will hear a soft knock at her door. ]
It's Yzak. Your door open?
no subject
Yzak?
( she blinks at him, then shifts out of the way. she's not actively avoiding people, she's just not actively trying to be around anyone when she feels... tired. and tired means nightmares, and nightmares mean no sleeping, so it gets back to tired again. and she really, really needs the rest. she knows. won't people just unhelpfully remind her of that? )
no subject
[ When she sidesteps, he takes a couple of steps into her room - nothing more than that, still lingering near the doorway in case she tells him to get out. He is a gentleman after all!!! (?)
On his arm is a small bag; he lowers his forearm to slide it down and catch it in his hand, and then holds it out to her. ]
I needed to make something for myself anyway.
[ In said bag is a sealed bowl of soup (something soothing, like chicken and rice with basil), a bottle of water, and a couple of random pieces of fruit. ]
no subject
So you're eating here too?
( is what she blurts out, and it doesn't sound like how dare you and more like i know what you're doing but are you offering company, because not so deep in her soul she's a desperately lonely teenager with no skills for navigating that when it's been a chancy, deadly sort of silence game the last two years of her life.
a very put together teenager holding the kindness of what he's dished out, looking a little bit at a loss. belatedly, she adds: )
Um, thank you.
no subject
[ The question spills out of his mouth before he can do anything about it, taken somewhat off guard.
A beat. And after a moment of consideration, he thinks of the others. Jake on the network asking for company. Iris's voice sounding so sad and lonely. The team seems pretty wiped after that mission - more emotionally than anything, but there's plenty of physical exhaustion reflected in everyone, too. So Yzak can read between those lines - and truth be told, he was planning to just head out to the sim room or to find a book to read in the common room, because though his has been for other reasons, he knows too well that feeling of the silence and loneliness in his own room. (which is why he only ever goes there to sleep nowadays)
And, despite the absurdity of the event, Ciri did recently help him out herself during the mission.
Good thing he brought along some extra fruit, in that case. ]
I guess I can always go for a little more potassium since I'll be in the training room later anyway.
[ So, yes, he is offering company. ]
no subject
It looks messy, but it could have looked worse. She doubts it matters, but it makes her feel a little more together than she actually is as she sits down, gesturing for him to take the other seat and belatedly asking: )
Potassium? How's that related to you training later?
no subject
[ Yzak doesn't sit right away - his movement is actually the smallest bit stiff because he's a little awkward! Being in a woman's room! And someone he doesn't know that well. Is it actually any deal at all? Absolutely fucking not, but Yzak is just stupid like that.
Still, despite all of that, Yzak is stubborn and determined! So after a moment, he does actually take a seat as offered, grabbing for a banana at the center of the table. ]
no subject
( Ciri, with exactly one nutritional concern introduced to her beyond "stop feeding her magic mushrooms, Witchers, you're probably going to end up permanently stopping her courses like this." Given the lack of those mushrooms here, that's not even a worry.
She takes the cover off the soup, looking down at it, then searching for anything spoon like. She's not shy about lifting it right to her mouth and drinking like that, but for the moment, she can remember enough table manners to be properly civilized. For now. )
Has anyone fallen out of shape here? It doesn't seem like it'd be possible, unless you were so injured you had to rebuild your strength.
( Noting that to her, the presence or lack of all limbs is not... injured enough when it can be otherwise compensated for, hence she doesn't even glance to what condition Yzak seems to share with a handful of others on station. She already knows it didn't make him any less valuable, important, last mission. Or however many came before, presumably. )
no subject
However, plenty can still do well to take better care of themselves! How many times have I heard "I'm fine" when someone clearly was not?
no subject
So you're telling me you've never done that?
no subject
But once I became a commander in charge of the lives and well being of my entire team, I realized how dangerous that sort of behavior can be! For the whole team!
no subject
( she's still sipping soup, evaluating what he's saying. he's not... wrong, per say. denying a truth is damaging. but there's also things she's been taught by her grandmother that says fronting can be as important for morale. how to balance the both? is it being in a group small enough you all live in each other's pockets, so you can tell that a breakdown is coming, there's no buffering zone, such as she can conceive of it? )
no subject
A bit disappointed, obviously. [ He rests his hand on the table, finger gently tapping at its surface. ] I'd much rather have completed what we set out to do - especially considering we made them aware of what was coming. That part, being unable to lend the aid to those who wished to leave, feels like a failure.
But had we said nothing at all, they all would have died, and known none the better. I know if it were me, I'd want to know something like that regardless. And if someone kept something like that from me and I died, if there was some sort of afterlife after leaving this world, I would have haunted their asses forever and made them regret it! [ His face pinches into a little sour frown at the mere thought of that, but it's brief. ]
But ... we saved a lot of them who wished to take their leave. So the "new season" they're meeting is able to exist at all. And the ones who we didn't get to in time, at least the "new season" they're greeting is alongside those who actually wanted to stay on the planet and see it. So they weren't alone to face it.
no subject
which is weird in context, for someone who still struggles to understand or accept her own childhood's ignorance as maintained by her grandmother. or the hatreds that had been part of that. all for the sake, she assumes now, for protecting her from something she couldn't be protected from.
like reality. like the world. like what was happening to the people in cirawei, only in a far vaster, more immediate manner. )
Mm. Me too. About wanting to know. ( even without knowing what to do about it. ) And that it's easier when you're not alone. For facing the way things are now, compared to how they used to be.
( she glances down into the soup, not seeing it so much as letting her thoughts wander. until she asks: )
Do you think they'll be okay, as refugees in that new place?
( even knowing full well there's no way for them to know, short of doing what (in a few days) she'll know might be possible, and asking viveca or degar to contact one of the leaders who'd lived and gone through their portals to the world that wasn't about to be destroyed by a rock falling through the universe. )
no subject
They had the determination to prepare as quickly as they did and move in the face of both what was happening, as well as with the knowledge that many of their kin chose to remain on the planet.
So I think they'll be just fine.