[ Ironic. He wishes he didn't have to think about the reason why he needs to do this because he still can't without it hurting. There is only hurt, though, no regret, with a sprinkle of anger both outward at fate and inward to himself because he can't not have the feelings that bubble up inside him. That this had to feel so pointless because he could not even obtain the temporary happiness he was okay settling for in return.
But he has to think about this, because he has to adjust, adapt, so he can continue being an asset to the team instead of a burden. And if he can at least accomplish what he came here for...
Well, he most likely won't remember to be proud of it any more than he won't remember this chasm that's opened up in his heart. And if he can reach that end sooner rather than later instead of letting his mind wander, think desperately of what he would give up to change the things that awaited him at the end of this journey and wonder if he's actually fucking crazy enough to offer them... ]
Marta.
[ The first text comes, and it's only a couple of moments before it's followed by: ]
I'm finishing dinner right now. I should be done by the time you get to my room.
no subject
But he has to think about this, because he has to adjust, adapt, so he can continue being an asset to the team instead of a burden. And if he can at least accomplish what he came here for...
Well, he most likely won't remember to be proud of it any more than he won't remember this chasm that's opened up in his heart. And if he can reach that end sooner rather than later instead of letting his mind wander, think desperately of what he would give up to change the things that awaited him at the end of this journey and wonder if he's actually fucking crazy enough to offer them... ]
Marta.
[ The first text comes, and it's only a couple of moments before it's followed by: ]
I'm finishing dinner right now. I should be done by the time you get to my room.